


One last dance.

by Werepirechick



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Future Fic, Goodbyes, Growing Up, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Teen Romance, candle light dinners, how romantic, on a rooftop no less
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 12:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8327227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werepirechick/pseuds/Werepirechick
Summary: “It’s not working, and you know it. It was good for a little while…”“…but not so much over time. I know.”“I’m sorry, Raph. I wish we could.”“Me too.”(Everyone had to grow up some time.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to The Hush Sound's song, You Are The Moon, and I got emotional about raphril.
> 
> Listen to the song while you read this, it increases the feelings by 40% at least.

 

 

This was a bad idea. April knew it was.

She followed Raph up the stairs of the abandoned building anyways, sidestepping suspicious stains on the ancient carpet. He’d invited her out for a patrol, one of her last, and she’d agree; despite every other sane part of her brain telling her to refuse.

This was such a bad idea.

“You going to tell me yet why we’re here?” April asked the turtle a few steps above her.

“No, you gotta wait a bit longer,” Raph replied without looking back. “It’s just another two floors up, promise.”

April’s frown deepened, and her worry increased.

They shouldn’t be doing this, not with where she was sure it would lead. They shouldn’t have started this at all, years back at the farm house.

April was leaving soon. This would just make it harder to.

They kept climbing the creaky stairway, all the ways up to the door that led out onto the roof. When they got there, Raph paused in front of the door; hand on the knob, and finally facing April again. He looked nervous for once, unsure of something. Maybe her.

“Keep an open mind, alright?” Raph said quietly, easing the door open. “Just for tonight.”

April pursed her lips, but hesitantly nodded. “Just for tonight.”

They shouldn’t be doing this.

Raph opened the door all the way, letting the warm summer air drift in. The building they were in, it was tall enough that the street lights below didn’t reach the roof top; instead, the only sources of light were tens of candles, nestled in jars all around the square space.

April stared breathlessly at the scene before her.

Along with the candles, Raph had set up a fold out table, complete with two stools probably stolen from his home. The small table had takeout on it, still in its boxes. He’d put one lonely rose in a vase among them.

It looked so much like their first dinner had, almost exactly the same as years before.

“…you shouldn’t have,” April whispered, not sure how she meant that statement.

“I know. But just… just one night. You’re leavin’ soon and… I wanted to try this one last time,” Raph said softly, putting a three fingered hand on her shoulder. “Please? We won’t- we won’t get another chance. Ever.”

April raised her hand, and put it over the larger one on her shoulder; gently clasping it, and feeling the familiar scaly texture. This wasn’t fair. “We said we wouldn’t anymore. At all.”

“I know what we said. But… you’ll be gone for almost a decade, April. Anything could happen between now and then. You _know_ what kind of life my family lives. I might not be here when you come home.”

“You said you always would be,” April whispered, remembering their promises made, back when Leo was drifting between life and death and their family was breaking. Back when it was just a desperate attempt to feel less lonely, and not… this.

“I said a lot of things when I was a kid. You know better than anyone, that younger me was an idiot,” Raph replied, almost as softly as April. He squeezed her shoulder, and though April couldn’t see Raph’s expression, she could feel the vulnerability in that gesture. “Please, one more night. For old time’s sake.”

They shouldn’t do this.

“We shouldn’t do this,” April said, the evening breeze brushing past her.

“We never should have. Too late now.”

Almost five years too late.

April felt a wave of nostalgia, thinking of how simple it’d been when they were kids. Everything was so much easier, when this meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. It still didn’t, but it meant a lot more to them now, than it had when they’d first…

“…one more night,” April conceded. “For old time’s sake.”

She let Raph’s hand go, let it drift down into her’s, let him lead her towards the center of the roof top.

From one of his belt pouches, Raph produced a small remote, and pressed a button on it. April followed where he pointed it, just in time for the CD player to come to life. Sweet yet sad piano started to fill the air around them, rising with the evening wind.

“I can’t believe you still have that CD. I thought we lost it on the way back to New York,” April said, remembering the ancient thing she’d dug up on the farm; pulling it from a dusty closet. They’d only listened to it once, when every other conscious person was out of the house. It was also the only time they’d ever danced.

“I found it a couple years ago. Fell between the seats, got stuck, and hid for a long while,” Raph tucked the remote away again, chuckling quietly. “I wouldn’t have found it, except Donnie decided the Party Wagon’s seats needed to be replaced, and well… I kept it ever since.”

“You, Raphael Hamato, are secretly a huge sap,” April said, letting a smile creep over her lips.

“Don’t tell my brothers, they’d never let me live it down,” Raph replied good-naturedly, just before grabbing April’s free hand with his, and inviting her to step closer. “And everything aside, _you_ , April O’Neil, are the type to _like_ huge saps.”

“You might be right about that, but I’m not quite sure yet…” April shifted their clasped hands, drawing Raph close enough they were almost touching. “You might need to remind me why it is, that I like huge saps.”

Raph’s grin, slow and shy despite his brash personality, made April feel years younger. Like they were just kids again, and she wasn’t leaving in just another week; for England, for Europe, for a whole new life away from his.

Everyone had to grow up some time. She needed a career, needed to go to school.

To get to where she wanted, to become psychologist like her fading father, April had to leave her second family. That meant leaving Raph too, and somehow, even though April had become dear friends with Donnie over the years, leaving the second eldest brother would hurt the most.

She had to though. She couldn’t stay here forever, couldn’t spend her whole life running over rooftops and fighting crime. That wasn’t the life she wanted.

It was the life Raph had.

It was the only life he _could_ have.

“I’m sorry,” April said, interrupting the soft lyrics of their song.

Raph paused his slow sway, the one they’d both been sharing till then, and looked down at her. He’d gotten taller than her; just enough he needed to tilt his head to meet her eyes.

“Sorry for what?”

“Leaving. For leaving all of you,” April said, dropping her head onto Raph’s shoulder, closing the last distance between them.  “I wish… I wish you could have the same chance. To see the world, to go to school and meet new people. Maybe then… maybe you’d find someone who could stay with you.”

They never talked about this part of their lives. Raph and his family, how they’d never be allowed to even taste what life could really offer. It was too awkward, too rocky a subject. It made Donnie and Mikey shut down, and Raph and Leo turn angry.

April wouldn’t change her boys, they were amazing as they were, but… for the chance to live a normal life… would they change themselves?

“April, look at me.”

“I don’t want to.”

“C’mon, you said one more night. No hiding.”

April sighed, and raised her head again. Raph’s smile didn’t quite count as one, or as a smirk; caught between the two, like it usually was.

“Whatever you’re thinking right now, and I’m pretty sure I know that look-” Raph said pointedly, because he knew her just that well, knew the expression April would make when she thought of their futures. “-and it doesn’t matter. Things are what they are, and we can’t change that.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to change, not like that,” April said, because it was important for him to know that. That she wouldn’t want him as anything other than himself.

“I know. So you gotta accept that too, that I wouldn’t change things, like you wouldn’t change them. I’ll miss you, we all will, but…” Raph shrugged, taking a turn at avoiding eye contact. “It might be for the best. We were never particularly good for each other, and we knew that. Remember being eighteen?”

“Eighteen was a disaster,” April admitted, grinning at the bittersweet memories. “God, that was such an embarrassing year. I don’t know how no one ever caught on; we fought at least seven months out of that year.”

“Now see? We’re adult enough to admit we’re mildly awful together. Good for a little while…”

“…not so much over time,” April finished, both of them echoing their past selves.

_(“It’s not working, and you know it. It was good for a little while…”_

_“…but not so much over time. I know.”_

_“I’m sorry, Raph. I wish we could.”_

_“Me too.”)_

April blinked, a wave of emotion coming over her. Her smile felt a lot less bittersweet, a lot closer to just feeling sad. “I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“Gonna miss you too, like crazy. By the way… you’re crying.”

“Shut up,” April said, reaching up and brushing her fingers over Raph’s cheeks. “You are too.”

“Shh, nothin’ doin’,” Raph said, pushing her hands away and wiping his damp mask.

April smiled a watery smile, painful little giggles escaping her throat. “You fucking sap. You’re making mine worse.”

“ _Language_ , ain’t that what you always said to me?” Raph grumbled, pushing his face into April’s short hair; obviously trying to hide his emotional break from her. “I distinctly remember you telling me off for being a cuss-head.”

“Only because you always did it at the worst moments, idiot,” April said fondly. “You had such a dirty mouth; I think you shaved a couple years off my dad, and he didn’t have many to spare as it was. Jerk.”

“Princess.”

“Thug.”

“Primadonna.”

“Swearing is a sign of low intelligence.”

“Guess we’re both idiots then.”

“Guess so.”

“…you’re still crying,” Raph said, leaning away and looking April over.

“Fuck off, you did this, you great stupid _sap_ ,” April said, wiping at her cheeks. “And you have no room to talk, mister _I-cry-without-sound-because-it’s-manly_.”

“Man, fuck. This was supposed to be nice,” Raph grumbled, rubbing at his own embarrassing tears. “Not- not a cry fest. It’s our last freaking night together, and you make it all emotional and junk.”

“Ooh, _you_ , passing the blame off like you didn’t bring up our dumb past,” April huffed, because he didn’t get to do that, blame all the tangled emotions on her. “This is a shared effort, don’t weasel out.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Raph replied dryly, finally doing the same to his eyes. “So. Song’s almost over… and dinner’s gonna get cold if it hasn’t already…”

April glanced at the takeout on the table, and shrugged. “We’ve eaten worse than cold noodles before. I’d like it… if we kept dancing, just a little longer. Please?”

“All you gotta do-” Raph let April take his hands again, let her wind their fingers together despite the difficulty. “-is ask me.”

The CD player started a new song, more nostalgic sounding music, and April fell into step with Raph; just like how they had, five some years ago, in the empty living room of her farm house.

They shouldn’t…

“I’m going to miss you,” April said softly, repeating herself. “I don’t think I’ll ever find something like this again.”

“I’d be surprised if you did, I’m a pretty unique guy,” Raph said, chuckling with the deep voice puberty had given him. April would miss that sound too. After a beat, Raph spoke again, much quieter, much more sober. “…I don’t think I’ll ever want someone again. Not like you.”

“Never?” April asked, because she couldn’t be that special, not to anyone.

“Never. I mean, even if I had all the chances in the world to find someone new… I doubt I’d want anyone else. It’s always just been you. Shit, you made me get emotional again.”

April laughed, soft and aching, and pressed against Raph’s front. “I wish this could have worked. I really do.”

“Hm, don’t we both,” Raph replied, voice dropping into a low, gravelly tone. He dropped his chin onto April’s shoulder, putting them at equal height for the first time in years. “…I hope you find someone else though. Someone who can do the stuff I can’t.”

April’s heart clenched, and she tried to turn her head to look at her friend. “Raph-”

“No, no really. Go be a college student, meet a guy or a girl or I don’t know, _someone_ , and get a life outside me an’ my family. You’ve hung around us long enough, so don’t… don’t hold yourself back anymore. Not for us, and definitely not for me.”

That wasn’t right. Raph didn’t get it, he and his family, they’d-

“You guy’s never held me back,” April leaned back, placing her hands on each side of Raph’s face. “You gave me a chance to get my dad back, save the world, see the freaking _galaxy_ … You’ve never held me back, Raph. Not even once.”

Raph’s eyes were shiny again, such a sap, and his arms had drifted down to April’s waist. He didn’t look like he believed her.

April pulled him close, till their eyes were equal with each other, and she could feel his exhales. “Don’t ever doubt that you four made my life better. I could’ve stayed a regular high school girl, but you gave me the chance to be _more_. I wouldn’t have the guts to leave if you and your brothers hadn’t shown up, and dragged me into way scarier things than overseas college.”

“You’re just saying that,” Raph said, because he never believed her about things like this. Not about him and his family’s worth in her life.

“Am I?” April whispered, before pressing a light kiss on Raph’s lips.

They shouldn’t be doing this.

But they were.

Raph kissed April back, April’s arms snaking around his shoulders, and his winding up her back.

They weren’t a good pair. Too emotional, too angry with the world. Volatile in moments they shouldn’t be, histories of being easily frustrated with so many meaningless things. They shouldn’t get close, shouldn’t start anything even near a relationship.

It hadn’t stopped their younger selves, and it didn’t stop them now.

They broke off the kiss, and stared at each other for a long moment. April knew every nick and scar on Raph’s face, same as he likely knew every freckle on her’s.

For all their incompatibilities, for all their sneaking and hiding and fighting over the years-

She was going to miss him; she was going to miss him like she missed nothing else.

“You better be here when I come home,” April said, nearly commanded, as she rubbed slow circles with her thumb. “You better be alive and kicking, and have all sorts of stupid stories to tell me about you and Casey getting into to trouble. Don’t you _dare_ die while I’m gone.”

Raph grinned, just like he always did when she said things like that, and tightened his hold around her waist. “Wouldn’t dream of it. And _you_ , you have to come home with a degree and some poor sot on your arm. Don’t spend a decade waitin’ to come home to me, because we both know…”

“…it wouldn’t work, I know, I know. Still gonna miss you, sap.”

“You’re wearin’ out that word there, been saying it a lot tonight,” Raph chuckled, leaning close again and pressing his forehead against April’s.

“Mmm, I’ll stop saying it when you stop being it. Which is never,” April laughed, touching her nose to his flat one. Her laughter died down, and she sobered again, pressing a gentle kiss to Raph’s scales. “I’m going to miss this.”

“…I think we both will,” Raph murmured, returning the kiss. “One last night?”

“One last night,” April agreed, leaning her head on his shoulder and starting their sway again. A part of her wanted to say more, but she kept silent; sinking into the easy quiet they sometimes managed.

Five some years ago, she hadn’t said it, and she didn’t say it now. Raph didn’t either. They never would.

But, as music filled the air around them, and their dinner got cold, the unspoken words were easily heard.

_I love you._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A week later, they still didn’t say it. Instead, a hug was exchanged, and a different set of words were said.

_Goodbye, I’ll miss you._

and

_Come home soon._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have a thing for sad romances, alright?
> 
> They're so good, because they hurt just right.
> 
> (realistically speaking, idk if April would ever actually date anyone in the main group. after knowing them all for so long, it might be a bit weird. may she find a partner one day that can handle the extreme weirdness her extended family is, and be happy.)


End file.
